Overcoming Imposter Syndrome, Perfectionism, and Letting Go of Control

Hi everyone! Taylor and Alina here, bringing you another episode of Shit Just Got Real. We know it's been a while, and trust us, we feel your abandonment fears (we’re annoyed with our own bulls*** too), but we're back and ready to dive deep into why we took a hiatus from the podcast.

In this episode, we tackle the reasons behind our big break. From the fear of getting everything you've ever wanted taken away to the illusion of needing to be in control, we explore the emotional rollercoaster that led to our hiatus and the lessons we've learned along the way. It's a raw and honest conversation that will resonate with anyone who's ever felt like an imposter in the pursuit of their passions and is an active self-sabotager or perfectionist.

We open up about the challenges we faced during our time off, and how we conquered the fear of pursuing our passions. Let's just say, it involved some major soul-searching, self-discovery, and questioning what truly defines us. We also delve into the complexities of asking for help, the weight of always having the answers, and the beauty of shared experiences.

But that's not all! We touch on the power of surrounding ourselves with like-minded individuals who support our most authentic selves, the liberating effect of breaking free from old habits and people-pleasing, and the importance of incorporating rest periods into our lives. Plus, we unveil the story behind the inception of our podcast, the hurdles we faced, and the unwavering passion that keeps us going.

Join us as we navigate the twists and turns of personal growth, challenge the toxic notion of perfectionism, and encourage each other (and you) to embrace imperfections as part of our journey. We believe in the power of vulnerability, and our goal is to create a healing space for both us and our listeners.

We promise you an episode that's equal parts thought-provoking, relatable, and inspiring. It's time to break free from the limitations we've imposed on ourselves and embrace the unknown. Buckle up, because Shit Just Got Real is back, and we're going full speed ahead! THANK YOU for your continuous support, and get ready for an episode that will make you question everything. But like, in a good way :) 

With love,
A + T

Follow us on social media to stay up to date with us :)
@shitjustgotrealpodcast
@taylordini
@alinaa.gutierrez

Transcript

0:00

Odd. We're not gonna give people trust issues for real. People like 1000% feel abandoned by us. If you don't remember us, I'm Taylor. And I'm alina. And this is shit just got real. Today we're kind of covering why we decided to take a big break from doing the podcast. As of the past couple of weeks, I think me and Taylor have had some really good conversations about imposter syndrome. And I had no idea that I even had imposter syndrome until me and her just started talking about like, well, why haven't we done anything with this? Our subtopic is almost the reason why we didn't record for so long. Yeah, and we couldn't really figure out why it was happening to the point where we kind of beat around the bush and stopped talking about the podcast because we knew bringing it up would mean that we would have to address the elephant in the room and get back to the podcast. 1000% so we're here now getting ourselves in these chairs into our court again, kind of goes hand in hand with this episode. What it's about? So today we're going to be talking a lot about imposter syndrome, perfectionism and focus or kind of share with you guys why we took so much time off. And I think it ties into today's topic seamlessly. Yes. And we are back in that right frame of mind where today we didn't necessarily know what we were going to be talking about. And if this was two months ago, we would have allowed that to stop us, basically. Yeah, to push it off for even longer. Even when we were in my room before we were recording, me and Alina were talking like, what are we going to talk about? And we both were exhausted today. And we're like, well, should we just take notes? I said that. And Alina was like, no, we're to do it. We're just going to do it. And she checked me right away and I'm like, okay, now I know we're back. Are you texting me? Well, a little bit, but you're ready? We had no idea what we were going to talk about and we're just rolling with it. Yeah, I have, like, five pages worth of conversations that we're going to have. But I also think that the last six months, just the conversations that you and I have had have been really intentional in the way that I feel like we woken up to a lot of things that maybe even before, we didn't see. Where you're on the journey to getting to know yourself, to understanding yourself, to kind of mastering your mental health. But I think something that everybody needs to know is that that journey never ends. It's not like you go from this dark place of not knowing yourself to when you get out of the dark place, you understand, you know yourself. It doesn't just stop there. Life's going to keep healing, process life's. Going to throw shit, and then you're going to have to always be working on yourself. And that's exhausting to think about. But I kind of like to look at it like one day at a time kind of thing, because if you look at it in just, like, totality, it can be overwhelming. Another thing I want to note, too, is that I think fear and kind of denial go hand in hand with one another. Okay. And I think maybe for a while you really did believe that you were okay or you were like this extremely vulnerable person and you didn't fear being vulnerable. But then I think there was a denial aspect to it almost where you'd find yourself getting anxious and you didn't know why, but then you came to the realization of, oh, this overthinking, overwhelming feeling that I have is, I'm scared. So you're not as vulnerable as you maybe once thought you were. Yeah. And you grew so much to get to that point. And I feel like you dug even deeper to get to this point, to. Where I am right now. And it's a really uncomfortable conversation to have. And to sit with that and to sit there like, oh, shit, I'm terrified right now is not fun. It's easier to want to turn the light switch back off and keep going how you were going, but I think it's really important not to. Yeah. And I think a lot of that ties into perfectionism. Especially, I think, the control aspect oh, my God. Yes. Of it. And the need to always be in control, I think, is something that we both struggle with. I think it's the need to be in control, but it's also the need to make sure that you feel safe. Well, yeah. It's more so like, I got me. Yeah. So it's not necessarily the need to be in control of everything, even though that's the way things fall. The chips fall sometimes. It's just that no one else will be in control of you. You have your back. Correct. And you don't need to tell anyone because you got you. Yeah. So, I mean, honestly, while we're on the topic of control, the reason that I took a huge step away from the podcast was because it's not the fear of failure for me. It's always the fear of getting everything that I want and then having it taken away. And that I realize it stems from all of my childhood trauma know, I went through when I was a kid. And the more and more that I thought about it when me and Taylor were having this conversation a couple of weeks ago, I was like, I just feel like by not trying, I'm actually just taking this entire thing away from myself. So it's like I have full control over me taking it away from myself, but that doesn't mean that anyone else can come and take it away from me. It's almost like that was something that paralleled itself from how you are in relationships where 1000% you're going to leave. Because I'm in control of you not leaving me. Yes. And I think whenever you really care about something or you really love something or someone, then all of a sudden you're scared. And you're like, I don't want to be scared. I don't like what I'm feeling. So in order to take control of your feelings back, it's almost like someone else is in control. So you want to take that back and you stop it or you leave it, or you create space, or you're like, I'm not really interested in that. Or you put it off and it's the same thing you do with this relationships is what with the podcast. Yeah. And I never realized that I was doing it up until I want to say maybe like a month, month and a half ago where I started to figure out why am I not doing something that I genuinely love to do? Alina called me one day and she was like, okay, I know it's me. And I was like, what? She's like, the podcast? I know it's me. I'm like, okay. Yeah, I literally was just talking about it. It's so funny because every time that I've ever brought it up, I think that I made you feel like you thought I was blaming you for not pursuing this. So when I called, I was like, I have to clarify to her that I know that it's not her, that it's me. But I never felt like you were putting that on me. Yeah, I felt like you talking to me about it being like, we got to do the podcast. That's almost like your internal dialogue with yourself, and I'm in this with you, so you're saying it to me, but then we'd go back and then you'd be like, oh, I don't know, I'm not ready, or whatever. The conversation would get dropped. So you're acknowledging that you know what needs to be done, but whatever this thing is right here is keeping you from doing it. Yeah, the only person that was holding me back was myself. And I think I've definitely reached a point where I'm like, I'm not doing that anymore. I refuse. And I really hope that this conversation kind of resonates with someone out there that's like, holy shit, maybe I am self sabotaging and robbing myself out of something that makes me so happy all because I'm scared it's going to be taken away or I'm scared that I'm going to fail. I think two things here. One of the things in perfectionism that we have noted on is the 70% rule, where if you're 70% ready, then do it and figure the rest out along the way. Because even if you think you're 100% ready, when you do it, you're going to learn so much. There's so many things that aren't going to work so just being 70%, there is enough of a reason to start. I don't know if I've talked about the enneagram on here at all. I love the enneagram. Alina's indifferent, but that's fine. But what's funny is that Alina and I are so different, but it's almost like why we navigate things is similar in ways, but just we do things differently. Like the same, but opposite. I'll just say. So when Alina took the enneagram, was learning about it, whatever. She's like, oh, yeah, I'm an eight. And in my head, I'm like, what? There's no way she's an eight because I'm an eight. And I'm like, we are so different. How can we be the same number? And then in the last year, I'd say I'm like, oh, my God, Alina's an eight. Alina's a freaking eight. And I think that's why we have such a deeper level of understanding of one another, because there's so many things. That we do similar that we understand the why. Yeah. Reactively, we can react differently to something, but we're reacting for the same reason. And to other people might not come off as the right way to do something. Or people might be like, why the hell did she just do that? But it's like knowing without the other person having to explain why they did that. Yeah. I feel like with this whole idea of perfectionism, that's definitely something that I need to let go of. And I think my perfectionism more is towards my healing process is what I've noticed. I always think that I have to have my shit figured out before actually giving someone advice, which is one of the reasons why I couldn't step on this mic again. I don't even have my shit together mentally. I'm not there, so who am I to give someone else advice? And I remember someone who's a really close friend, he kept asking me, well, what's going on with the podcast? And I'm just like, oh, I'm just not in a good space. I'm like and I don't feel like I'm the correct person to be, again, giving anyone advice. And he said, did you ever think that that's what makes you more relatable is the fact that you're going through it at that moment? And someone that hears that is like, oh, I'm not the only person. She's currently going through something similar, and it does make you more relatable. And I never thought of it in that way. Yeah. And I actually think that you work against yourself and become less relatable with this idea that, well, I've already figured it out. Yeah. Like, Alina has all the answers. Yeah. And it's almost a fear of anyone knowing that you don't have it all figured out. It's scary to open up and say, I have no idea. Yeah, it's okay to not have the answers, and it's okay to share your experience with people and be like, I don't know, but I relate to you because I'm going through something similar. But that doesn't mean that you have to have it all figured out. I think it's just nice knowing that you're not the only person going through the same experience. Essentially, I think, as an eight going back to the Enneagram, sometimes eight feel like people need them to have the answers all the time. They put that weight on themselves, and people don't need you to have the answers all the time. And that's stressful. That's a lot of weight to put on yourself. It ends so strange. I was just having this type of conversation with someone literally a couple of days ago. What he said was, I'm just so tired because I'm the one person in the family that everyone goes to, and I'm supposed to have all the answers. And in my head, I'm just thinking, well, who holds space for you? It's exhausting. It is. But at the same time, you are the reason why that happened, because you've always made sure that you had the answers and never needed to lean on anyone else because you were in control. You got it. Hey, every one of you can lean on me. I'm good. But that also stems from my childhood of me having to grow up so. Quickly no, I know that. And being strong, and it's like, all right, Alina, you need to learn to ask for help. And it's okay to not have the answer, and it's okay to just another. Thing I've noticed is that because I've experienced this as well, is it's almost like when you do need help, it's so hard for you sometimes to say you're hurting and you need help, that you expect someone to read your mind and just know. And when they don't, you're like, what the fuck? Hello. I've been here this whole time. I've been here for you. I need help. And that's when you can have a blow up. And then the other person's like, oh, my God, I didn't know. And I think it's reminding ourselves that not everybody can read our mind or if we're changing how we're responding to things, not everybody's going to know that you're hurting or that you need them practicing letting people know that you're hurting. It's a lot harder said than done, to be honest, for sure. But that'll be a habit. That'll be a you'll deal with that. Build a habit out of it, and then it becomes easier. But honestly, I think that's part of who you are. I think that will always be something that's hard for you, but you can get really good at it, and you can be faster at catching yourself when it's happening. And so I don't know that there's a solution. It's just an awareness and an intention at practicing. That also as a reminder to not be hard on yourself. If five years from now, you're like, why the hell is this still hard. For like, give yourself a little grace. Yeah, it's going to be okay. So say, okay, this is really hard for me now. I'm going to do it anyway, knowing that it's hard and that I hate everything about it and that after I open up, they're probably going to want to hug me and I'm going to be like, I don't want that right now. But you need it sometimes. No, I agree with you. I do think learning to ask for help is something that we definitely need to just work on. I myself have tried to work on it, but what I've felt has helped is knowing who to go for, for what I know, who's going to be open to receive and give me a safe space, dependent on what it is that I need to talk about. It can be really to. I know for me, figuring that out is so important because with where we're similar, it's almost like if I go to you and ask for help and I am shut down, I am like, okay, fuck it. I'll never go to you for help ever again in my whole life. Ever. That's it. I see where we stand. It makes you shut down almost 1000% because again, it's like that safety component. And now what? I'm supposed to pick myself back up and go reach out to another person to see if I can get help there? No yeah, now this is going to rot. You're like, no, I ain't doing it again. And I'm not saying that's right. I'm just saying that that's a struggle. That's usually how you handle things. And I'm like, Girlfriend, relax. I know, but it's funny because that's where our and I know I'm going to talk about Enneagram again. Whatever. Our eighthness is similar, but different. But different. But it's similar where you're like, hello, lean on me. That's what you're great at. You're like, yeah, everybody lean on me, lean on me. I got it. Whatever. And it was so hard for you to understand why I wouldn't, but I wouldn't because I'm like you where you struggle the same way where you don't. Yeah, and then when I didn't lean on her, she was going through something and we're usually a safe space for each other and I wasn't for her. But then you couldn't just say, hello, safe space, what the fuck? Where are you? Because I went off the grid, I'm like, I'm going to go deal with this on my own. That's how I know she's going through something. Is she literally just ghosts? But then that's how you can shut down is if let's say I really needed you and you weren't there, that would make me shut down. And that's what happened to you. You shut down to me because I wasn't there. Yeah. We're doing better, I promise we are. I feel like we've really like I don't even know how to describe it, but we've traveled to new places. Yeah. I'll start with. Perfection doesn't exist in my eyes. I look at it from a spiritual, religious standpoint. I'm strong in my faith, and the only thing that I think is perfect is God, the universe. That, to me is perfect. And humans are not perfect. We were made imperfectly, intentionally and in humanity. Perfection will never exist. And that's a really hard pill to swallow for a perfectionist, like knowing that you will never be perfect. I'm a perfectionist, and I know that, but it still stresses me out when my result isn't perfect. So it's kind of like this balance that I always have to go back and remind myself of. There are some pros to being a perfectionist. I get a hell of a lot done in a day, but there's just as many cons with greater weight in that. If you're a perfectionism, you're going to have a lot of disappointment and stress and anxiety in your life. It's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. It is for sure. I think that it's not necessary. It's like we need to absolve this perfectionist mindset. We really need to be more forgiving of ourselves in situations we find ourselves in and be more flexible with ourselves inflexible with situations we find ourselves in. Because I think it's super important to plan. So if you are a perfectionist yeah. There's no one saying that you shouldn't have goals. I think the idea of knowing exactly how everything is going to happen, I think that's where people need to practice detachment. There's a million ways where that one goal can happen and you can plan. How to get there. Yeah. And I think you should. I'm a planner. I need a plan, and I will plan how to get there. But it's knowing that I've created this plan and as going along the plan, like, step by step, it's never going to be what I expect it to be or what I wanted it to be. It's going to change. Yeah. And learning to adapt to those changes. Yes. So staying flexible, your end goal, like. You'Re still going to reach it. It's just maybe a little detour. Yeah. And it's going to be hella stressful if you shut down when your roadmap takes a left turn. Yeah. And I think that's why detachment is so important. And the idea of going with the flow, I'm like you just never know if something is actually playing out in your favor, in your best interest. Maybe there's just a better way to get to that end goal. You just always have to trust that. There is, and you just have to trust it always. Literally. Yesterday I was talking to the guy I'm seeing, and he's just sitting on the couch. And right now, my son's birthday party, his fourth birthday is next week on Sunday. So I'm a DIY mom for reasons that are beyond me, because with how busy I am, there's no reason I should be DIYing the heckaroo out of a four year old birthday party. But here we are. So I'm going ham sauce making all these decorations and these freaking Mario boxes and he is just watching me and he's like is it hard being perfect all the time? And at first I was like what? I thought he was trying to cheesy compliment something and he was like it's. A full on serious question. Yeah. And he was like is it hard having to be perfect all the time? Like being a perfectionist? And then it really made me pause and I was like, yeah, I actually think my life is a lot more stressful because I'm a perfectionist. And I say there's pros to it and I could be wrong because maybe I'm biased because I am one. But I'm a very efficient person and I get unbelievable amounts of things done in a short period of time and I feel good about that. It's like a high that I'm chasing. But a really big downside of it is if something that I did isn't perfect one, I immediately want to start. Productivity though, or perfectionism at this point. Productivity is a part of it for me because I relate that to efficiency. And for example, why with my son's napping I could be exhausted. But because I'm a perfectionist, it's like there's a lot of guilt attached to if I were to take a nap because I could be doing all of these things that I have to do. It is there really is guilt. And I know I need that rest to be the good mom that I want to be. To be this perfect mom. But when I take it then I wake up and I'm like the wheels are already turning and like oh, 2 hours went by, I could have done this, I could have done that. So it's really making myself pause when I am in that space. Like no, I needed that rest. I'm not being lazy. It's not a waste of time. I needed it. I feel like we're just so brainwashed to think that you have to be productive 24/7 but really the best thing that you could do for yourself and for the people that you love and you care about is you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of everyone else. That includes resting, emphasis on that. You should have rest periods. And this is actually one of the things that we are now incorporating into the podcast is we're going to have rest periods. One, we need it for our personal lives, for our own mental health. So everything we're doing moving forward is going to be in seasons and you should have a season where you take a break and recharge. Refuel. There's only so much creativity that can come out of me and her both without rest. You're going to underperform correct. And I feel like that's actually a really good example of. And I think what I kind of tied it to maybe, was that I have a very motivational father. He is a motivational speaker. He's an entrepreneur. And I think it was just grilled in my brain as a child that you go at everything that you do. I don't care if it's taking out the trash. I don't care if it's school sports. You give 100%, 110%, everything every time, everything you do. And I think I, over time, took that so literally that I have to be giving 110% all the time, even when I'm at 20%. Trying to unlearn that you have to do it. Twenty four, seven. And it was this preaching, this anti lazy mentality. And I fear a fear of mine is being lazy. I genuinely fear ever being lazy. Definitely not lazy. I know, but I think that in my head, I've tied being still and with Laziness. With Laziness. And I was kind of talking to my dad about that, too, and he was like, no, you need a nap. You nap 110%. Take your nap. And I'm like, duh. I know. And it's silly because sometimes when you really think about the route or the reason of why you're doing something, it's so silly when you say it out loud, you're like, what am I doing? Again, going back to perfectionism doesn't exist. Yeah, this whole idea of perfectionism is just whack. The more and more that I think. About it, it makes so many people so messed up in the head. They're so insecure and scared and feel like an imposter in their own life. And it's crazy because we're all in some way buying into a perfect culture, whatever that is that they're selling. And it's silly because it literally doesn't exist. Honestly, I think with imposter syndrome, there's another avenue that I think, and that's like the people that you surround yourself with, there are people that are going to make you feel like you're a fraud and like you're a fake for doing X, Y and Z. If you start to surround yourself with people who encourage you to see what it is that you're doing and what the stuff that you're working on and are trying to help you to build that up, I think that's such an important part of imposter syndrome that a lot of us, we don't really even is that sometimes it's the people that we're surrounded by that makes us feel like, who the fuck do I think I am to pursue this one thing? When it's like you got to change up your environment sometimes, like the people that you surround yourself with, it's kind. Of like how people say you are who you hang out with or you become who you hang out with. And I think there is a lot of truth to that. I don't necessarily think that you're going to go do everything your friends are doing because you're hanging out with them. But that also depends on are you easily influenced? Yeah, but I think everybody is influenced in some way by who they hang out with, because look where you're hanging out, look what you're doing. And I guess imposter syndrome can kind of unfold there, because if who you're hanging out with isn't who you are in here, it won't feel right. But then if you surround yourself with people that reflect who you are in here, then it's like you feel like. You'Re in your most authentic self. You don't feel like you're an imposter of anything. You feel seen because you're doing and. Surrounded by people who also understand the things that you're doing, who you are as a person. You're not an imposter. But when you're out every night at the club and you're like, I don't want to effing be here. Why am I here? Same that can settle in. But see, those are also things that I think about. It's like you have full control over. Do you actually want to do that thing? We'll take nightclubs as the perfect example. I work in this environment, and to see it from a sober standpoint, and I feel like half the time people just go just to go. It's not that they truly want I. Think if you were to ask them that question, though, their immediate response would be yes. And then if they were and then. They start to think about, like, wait, do I want to be here? Yeah. And if they weren't to go, if they were to stop going. There's an attachment to fear with that. If all of a sudden they decide these are their friends and their circles and who they're hanging out with, this is their identity. And if all of a sudden they were to just stop it, there's a fear involved of what would happen. Yeah. Because you lose friendships. Or it's not even that you lose friendships, but it's just you're not vibing with those people at the level that you were used to. You will lose friendships, though, if you do that. Oh, for sure. But not everyone is like that. Yeah. Some people are understanding of like, hey, I know this isn't an environment for you. I know that you're changing and your interests are evolving. That's okay, I support you. I think I've been on both sides of that spectrum where I have people that support the new version, and then I have other people who just don't understand, and I'm like, I need you to just get away from me. But I'm not even saying and when I say lose friends, I don't mean like, a big fight is going to happen. Oh, no. You just grow apart. You grow apart from people and the need to acknowledge that it's unrealistic to think that all of those relationships will remain unchanged if you start doing what it is you actually want to do. Yeah, but I think that's also a beautiful thing because. When you start to change up your surroundings and your environment, you literally start to welcome in so many new people, so many different experiences, things that actually bring you joy. And I'm going through this process right now and I feel like I light up whenever I talk about this because I am witnessing it all happen currently in my life, where I'm letting go of a lot of old habits of I guess it's also kind of like a people pleasing thing. And I didn't even realize that I did that of going to the bar, sitting there and drinking, and I'm like, I just don't want to do that anymore. So I actually want to be intentional and be like, is this something that I want to do? And if the answer isn't 100% yes, then I'm just not going to do it. And it's that simple. And by letting go of all of that, I've welcomed in new people. And I think that's so beautiful to go through 100%. I feel like I should have emphasized when I made that point about it's unrealistic for relationships not to change, but that's a good thing. Yeah, those relationships changing and finding new relationships will allow you room to go where you want to. I don't know. You've done a lot of that though. Like, Alina started going to museums and creative events and meeting new people, and she'd call me after, I'm like, oh my God, Taylor, I think I need to start hanging out with more creative people. This happened and this happened and I'm like, no shit. Why didn't you say anything earlier? Oh. I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know. Yeah. It's such a different world to be surrounded by people that are just full blown creatives, very different experience. And I'm so used to the hospitality industry experience. I feel like a lot of how they're opposite is hospitality is exactly what the word is hospitable. So there's a lot of people who almost have to put on the hospitality mask of where it's almost like a little bit of an alter ego, where you said people pleasing because that's a workspace. That's who you had to step into in those moments. But then when you go to the people who are so fully immersed in their creativity, they're not hiding anything, they're just fully themselves and it's way more expressive. It's inspiring, honestly, to see. And I think that's also another reason why I was able to come back onto this podcast. It's like all of these people that I'm surrounded by are pursuing such beautiful things. Like, why am I not pursuing the one thing that I know makes me super happy? And that's what happens when you change up your environment, which is wild, I know. Yeah. I would rather at this point in my life hang out with Taylor twenty four seven and Amadeo and just like my dog. And it really just takes doing it. Take one weekend and if you're feeling this sort of way, take one weekend and think about things inwardly that make you happy and say no to everything that you would normally say yes to. And say yes to what in here wants to do. Surround yourself with things that match that for one weekend. And I don't know, I guess I feel like you'll feel that change and we're like, oh, I really like this. Yeah. And it's so strange, too, because just like, asking myself the question of what do I want to do? And I caught myself recently, I think, maybe in the last three months, where it's like I always asked, what do you want to do? And instead I was like, no, I'm not doing that anymore. It's, what do I want to do now? It's easy to fall into going through the motions. Yeah. And it's like, this goes here to this goes here to this goes here. And then you start over. And what point does it just become like this mundane cycle of that's what. Going through the motion? Yes. And so when it turns into a cycle, it's hard to be like, stop. Yeah, I'm stopping the cycle. Or to have that realization. Sometimes it takes something, meeting some random person. Yeah. Self awareness is like, key for all of this. I feel like this is something that I just always preach, is learning to figure out why you do things and building new habits if it's something that you don't really like or that you just don't want to keep doing. And obviously all those things take time. Like, for me to get to this place where I'm at now, took a couple of months for sure. I guess the two big reminders I would say are ask yourself what you want to do. Truly? Because I know someone might say, no, I want to go to that club. If it's because of FOMO, you don't actually want to go to that club. Yeah, I want to stay home, but I want to go because I don't want this to happen. You want to stay home. That's your answer. So intentionally ask yourself what you want to do. And the second one is acknowledging that you will never be perfect. Perfectionism doesn't exist. It really does not. And then I guess the last one would be, we are never in control, ever. You will never in your life be in control of anything but yourself. I know I get way more out of accepting that I am not in control of anything that's happening around me apart from myself. We're not made to be in control. But I think sometimes no, we all. We think we are and we're not. We're definitely not. And we react to things knowing that they're not in our control. Yeah, things are going to happen. It's like how we react to those things. Literally, the only thing you're really in full control of is yourself, the way you respond, how you think. Those are the things that you have full control over. I think the last thing that we kind of want to conclude with is why we started the podcast. Because I know in the beginning, alina and I weren't really even friends when we first talked about it either. Was it the second time we hung out? I just remember calling you one night and being like, hey, I have a mic. The idea came the second time I met you, when we went to the mall. Oh, when we went shopping. And we both got really passionate about this idea of talking about a podcast, like reflecting back. It's so weird because I would never do that with anyone else that I barely knew. But anywho some time goes by, we talk about a little bit, then we start doing other creative things, and all the creative juices are flowing at once. So we're going here, and we're going here, and we're going here, and we're going here. And it was great. And then the podcast was starting to get a little pushed off. We had no idea how to create a podcast. No idea. We just learned what goes into it. And then Alina calls me one day, and she was like, hey, I have a mic. And I was like, okay. So we go to Alina's. We were in your bedroom at your mom's house. Oh, my God. Yeah. And we had one microphone. And then we realized we have no idea what we're doing. So we go to two guitar centers to try to figure out what the hell it is that we're supposed to need, and then we just finagle with a computer for like, I forgot about that. And then we ended up not even figuring it out. Had no idea. We recorded it on your phone the. First oh, my God. And then we had to import it to the computer, and we're like, okay, we'll figure it out next time. We're going to keep going. We got to get this episode in today. And we did. It was so much fun. Yeah, but I think that was a moment where we chose to just do to not overthink, to not overthink, to not be perfect. We didn't have to be 100%. We had an idea, and we're going to do it. And 80,000 things went wrong that day. When you think back, so many things, so many things went wrong, and it didn't stop us, but none of it upset us. Not one time did we get upset. It was like we just kept rolling with it. And I think the point of this too, because people are like, oh, everybody has a podcast now, and it's very oversaturated and, oh, there's a new app coming out. But I think that the reason we started it was from a conversation that we had with each other of things that we felt and wanted to talk about and this was the best way for us to utilize that. And it was for us first before it was for anyone else. For anyone else. Yeah. I still feel like it's just as much for us. Yeah. I think for me it was always this idea in my head of the lack of representation in the media when it comes to mental health therapy, especially with the Latin community. It's something that I'm extremely passionate about because I've seen what it does for people. When you do take your healing seriously and you have these conversations with people and you start to know, expressing your feelings and your emotions and being self aware and all of that. And when me and Taylor hit it off, for me it's always been like an energy thing with her. It was so instant. Yes. We did not think about it, we just rolled with it and we've created this space where it's healing for us to have these conversations. And obviously my only hope for anyone that's listening is that it's also healing for you. But I think the whole idea of this is to normalize, to express yourself fully, to be okay with vulnerability. I think vulnerability is a fucking superpower and it's so hard to do. But the minute that you give someone a safe space to communicate and to relate to you, it's wild what comes out of people. And I've done this so many times with friends, family, the conversations that I have with my mom are super healing. And none of that would have even been possible if I hadn't gone through my own healing journey. I think too, when I look back on where we're at now with the. Podcast versus when we started, it's very different. But I look at yeah, I guess something we've learned too is every time if we were going through something we were just not good, we'd be like, hey, not it today, let's record tomorrow. And I think we both kind of enabled this environment of us needing to be okay in order to record the podcast. And I think that now we're realizing. It doesn't need to be okay. Yes. And we don't have the answers to everything, although we don't have to. And it's less engaging or relatable when I don't want us to come off as if as a nose to everything because we really don't. And we're sitting here today talking to you guys and this is a problem that we're both dealing with right now. Yes. And I think that idea of like, oh, everyone does a podcast, I really want to go back to that. Because those people that put those thoughts into your head, they don't see your vision, they don't know the creative drive that you have to bring something to life. Two people could be saying the same thing and someone might listen to you and be like, oh, I really liked the delivery of what the message was, and it might not be the same or as effective if it comes from another person. So I think that idea of, like, someone else is already doing it. Don't feed into any of that. Anytime you start anything, any business, any project, anything media related, I think a lot of people will be like, what are you doing? Because I think a lot of people, they themselves want to start things, and they couldn't bite the bullet themselves to go do it. So it's almost a projection on someone else who wants to do it. So never take into account you know that phrase where if it's something good, keep it quiet. If you're starting something like that, keep it quiet. Don't get your opinion from friends, from family, even. I don't care. Just keep it to yourself and do it because you don't want anyone else's opinion to alter what you want to do. And then once you're starting, whatever, blaze trails, go ahead. But don't let other people's opinions keep you from doing that. Doing something that you really want to do. Yeah. Make you rethink. Oh, wait, should I really do it? Because, again, we're doing this for us just as much as we're doing it for other people. So I don't give a shit if no one ever listens to this podcast a day in my life, I still want to do it. And when it goes back to though, it's so oversaturated. Everyone has a podcast. Okay, that's great, but everyone is going to listen to someone, and why wouldn't they listen to us? Yeah. Why can't we be the podcast that people want to listen to? Yeah, I agree. It happens every day where someone creates something new. Yeah. And it's great. So why couldn't that be us? Because every person that started something was like, why couldn't it be me? Yeah. We're revamping. Shit just got real, and it feels a little bit more peaceful or, like, calm this time. Yes. And I was thinking the same thing back to what I said earlier, of I feel us starting the podcast now versus how it was even with our first three, four episodes. It's a completely different type of energy. Yeah. It's almost like and I don't know. If it's like maturity. I don't know if it's like growth. Maybe it's all of it okay. Where there's a lot of shit in both of our lives that is all up in the air right now, but we're okay acknowledging that. We're accepting of it. We're letting control of it go. And that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or it's not scary, but we've made peace and accepted that it is. Yeah. Instead of trying to change it. What's something that you're working on right now? I'm just trying to think if I want to share it. So one of the things I'm working on is setting boundaries and saying no. That's I think a huge thing, is navigating a relationship with my son's father and then navigating a relationship with my partner that I'm with right now. So it's just a lot of boundaries. And I think going back to and it's different when you're a mom, too. I'm glad that you shared that. I know you were on the fence. Yeah. And as a mom, you ask so as a human, you need to ask yourself, what do I want? But in situations with those two, it's not about what I want. It's about what's best for my son. But it's also in combination with what I want. So it's just like a big juggling game and that we can set expectations on people that they won't deliver on and will continue to get disappointed. And I think that something that I've come to terms and made peace with is that, again, that's not in my control. And now sometimes having no expectation for someone is where you need to set the bar. So I expect nothing. I've come to terms with that, and then if anything happens that I didn't expect, it's a great thing. Yeah. So I think your last little surprise yeah. It's like setting yourself up for success, not failure. Good answer. That's kind of where I'm at. I'm glad. Yeah. Took a long ass time. Also, last thing before we go, something that Alina and I have both have done is stop putting yourself in a box. Oh, my God. For real? We do it in areas that we don't realize, and I think we should talk about this in another episode. Yes, but adding it to the list. Adding that to the list, because I think something that we both did, you might not even realize you're putting yourself into a box, but, like, the type of guy that you go for, for. Example oh, here we go. But that's a really good example. You're putting yourself in a box by saying someone's not your type. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yes, I know. Exactly. You're preventing yourself from possibly beating someone. That's super incredible. All because it's not what you normally go for. Yeah. When maybe that's the good thing is that you need to start going for people that aren't your normal type. Like, stop limiting yourself. Yeah. And even if it doesn't work out, you learn a lot. Yeah. That's about you. This is true. Thanks for bringing that up. Anyway, I had, like, a flashback of when you were sitting on the couch. Stop. Yeah. All right, you guys. All right, well, thanks for listening. We're so glad to be back. We hope you got something out of this episode. It's done. It's here. It's here to stay. Okay. All right. All right. That's Tay, Taylor, and Alina. And this shit just got real.